May 15, 2009

I made a decision today to live my life by faith. I also decided to write about my experiences openly in the blogging world. I haven't told anyone that I am doing this, but I really feel that this "journaling" will be a great way for me to keep on track as well as be a testimony one day for others.

There is a knowing inside of me that everything will always work out the way it's supposed to. The truth is, right now, times are a bit tough. I don't like to think much about it because I choose not to put my energy in that direction, and once again, I also know deep down, everything will work out just fine. Of course, I have those moments where I get into my head and think of all the things that are getting me down. Those thoughts usually take me down the same road where I end up feeling a bit sick to my stomach, frustrated and sad at the same time. I left my job after our second child was born, which was a decision I felt was right, but it's left us in a bit of a financial mess. Before I formally left my job, I wrote down on a sheet of paper a list of other ways I could earn money and be home with my children. I felt confident that those other ways would provide income and all would be good. The reality is that it has been taking longer than I anticipated. I get frustrated with myself because I can't seem to find the time to get organized on my new ventures. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my kids. I love taking them places and playing with them and being there for them throughout the day and getting to experience them, but it sure etches away at the quiet time I used to have to think, to organize things, to play around with my new ideas.

So that's why I am here. I said a prayer the other morning and the answer dawned on me....Put my trust in God. Ask Him to intervene every day and direct my path in the best possible direction to get my situation in a better place. I've been running around, as the expression says, like a chicken with my head cut off. I start one project, only to be pulled away by one of my kids needing something from me. When I do have a little bit of time, it's usually spent doing loads of laundry, picking up the house...the everyday things that I like to have done. I always tell myself...."I'll work on my business when my husband gets home." That never seems to happen. He doesn't get home most days until 6:00. Then it's dinner time, bath time, wind the kids down time and get them off to bed. After that, I like to have a little time to unwind myself and working at 8 or 9 at night is not what I have the desire to do. Sound familiar???? I know so many people struggle with this same setting, but I want to find a simple way out of it.

In a prayer years ago, I felt I was given the message of "simplicity." I know simplicity is the key in life. In this situation, my simple way out will be to ask God each day to direct my steps and to help me find the time to take the steps I need to. Instead of putting the pressure on myself to know what to do first during the 30 minutes that I may find during the day, I will trust that He will move it in me to feel what is most important.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 says trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." So that's what I'm going to do.

When I ask myself what it is I truly want....ironically, it's not "money" that I feel is the answer. Although, logically that's what would seem should be the answer since our financial situation is what gets me down most. The answer for me is "peace." Peace and organization. When I think about my life right now, I feel a bit scattered, chaotic, unorganized, just not "me."

I am not a religious person. I don't care for the word "religion" because it makes me feel kind of trapped. In the past, I've substituted religious for saying I'm a spiritual person. Although that is true, I don't really care for that term either. What I do like is that I'm a person who lives by faith. I'm a person who really does believe in God and believes He is good. I'm a person who really wants Him to be at the center of my life and my family's life because I believe He will guide us in the most perfect way for us. This I love. I take extreme comfort in knowing and feeling this way.

I write this blog knowing that it may be read by some people who don't believe the same way I do. Please know that this is what works for me and that I appreciate other people know their truths to be different. I also write this blog feeling a little vulnerable and open that I am putting myself out here...but I also know that my purpose is to help other people become more faithful and hopeful. I don't know how I can be that kind of person without sharing my own experiences.

I attribute much of my belief and inner knowing of what God is to the teachings of my mother. She has a special gift to translate religious teachings to every day lingo. She has a gift to teach about God's goodness. She has always told me that when she was pregnant with me, she was touched by some dreams that she felt were from God. She told me that she believes I felt those dreams too and that her and I share a connection. I love that. I love that connected feeling. I love feeling like I've been touched in some way.

Years ago, I was flipping through the channels and was drawn into watching Joel Osteen. I was watching him long before his name became as popular as it is today. He does what my mom does. He puts God's message in every day terms and situations and motivates you from a heartfelt standpoint. Between my mother and Joel, that is who I have learned from spiritually.

I listened to one of Joel's messages today and what I took from it was to "see myself how God sees me." That is what I want to do. I asked myself...."how does God see me." What came to my mind was "as his child." I thought about this. I'm a parent and I love and adore my children. I love it when they are happy and appreciative. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do to make their quality of life anything than the best I could make it. If my children were struggling in some way and I could help and lead them in the best direction...I would. So I will try to think of myself in God's eyes the same way I see my children.

So I am going to end this blog today with the commitment to start my day off each morning asking God to be in control of my day. I've voiced my concerns to Him regarding our finances and how I am feeling trapped with the way things are and not enjoying this feeling. I am committing that each time I start to stress over that situation, I will remind myself that I have asked God to intervene and He will lead me in the right direction to make things better quickly. I will do my best to update this blog with my progress.

Blog Archive

August 12, 2009

Blog 5

It's a new day today. It's been a little disheartening because money has been so tight. The end of July has come and gone. Nothing happened in terms of the money that I was asking for. If you read my earlier blog, I didn't feel this as strongly about this as I had for other things. I did find it interesting though that right after I requested the dollar amount, I had a business opportunity that if it went through could have been very close to the amount I was hoping for. After a week of that not working out, I lost hope that the opportunity would come to fruition...but I still wondered if my financial blessing would happen in another way.
Not to be discouraged though. I just have to keep moving forward and I think I have to listen to the voice within too. I'm not sure I did that in that last request.
I found a box of my old stuff from middle school and high school. I used to write a lot and I found it interesting that many of my writings talked about my future and that I knew God would provide for me. It's time though to take that knowing and expand on it. I don't want to just be provided for anymore. I want to live in abundance and peace, including financial peace.
I have asked myself what does financial peace mean to me right now? What does it look like to me? In the long run, it would be great to have EVERYTHING paid off - but right now for me to have some financial peace would look like this.....
Enough money is coming in to pay expenses, to pay off the credit cards within a year, to have enough left over to save AND to enjoy. It also means that it's not a struggle to get the money. It just comes.
I listened to Joel Osteen today and I have decided to pay closer attention to my words; to not describe my situation but to use my words to get me out of this situation. However, I know through my coaching, in order for my words to create new circumstances, they have to be words that I really do believe. When I believe, my faith is at work.
So...new thoughts that I can say to myself that I really believe in are:
- God is bringing clients my way
- He causes me to be at the right place at the right time for the right opportunities
- He knows who to bring across my way to help me
- God wants me to prosper
- He wants to bless me so that I will be a blessing to others
- He is good
I believe these things. So I know if I start saying this more, that the "believing faith" in me will cause it to happen.
I also heard Joel Osteen say today, we tend to talk to God about how big our problems are, but we should be talking to our problems about how big God is. I liked this.
It's time to speak favor over my life. Scriptures that back this up....
Psalm 91:2 - I will say of the Lord...and he will deliver me. The connection is, " I will say and he will do."
John 3:2 - God wishes above all things that we prosper and be in health.
Deuteronomy 15:6 - I will lend and not borrow.
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