LIVING BY FAITH: Blog 7

May 15, 2009

I made a decision today to live my life by faith. I also decided to write about my experiences openly in the blogging world. I haven't told anyone that I am doing this, but I really feel that this "journaling" will be a great way for me to keep on track as well as be a testimony one day for others.

There is a knowing inside of me that everything will always work out the way it's supposed to. The truth is, right now, times are a bit tough. I don't like to think much about it because I choose not to put my energy in that direction, and once again, I also know deep down, everything will work out just fine. Of course, I have those moments where I get into my head and think of all the things that are getting me down. Those thoughts usually take me down the same road where I end up feeling a bit sick to my stomach, frustrated and sad at the same time. I left my job after our second child was born, which was a decision I felt was right, but it's left us in a bit of a financial mess. Before I formally left my job, I wrote down on a sheet of paper a list of other ways I could earn money and be home with my children. I felt confident that those other ways would provide income and all would be good. The reality is that it has been taking longer than I anticipated. I get frustrated with myself because I can't seem to find the time to get organized on my new ventures. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my kids. I love taking them places and playing with them and being there for them throughout the day and getting to experience them, but it sure etches away at the quiet time I used to have to think, to organize things, to play around with my new ideas.

So that's why I am here. I said a prayer the other morning and the answer dawned on me....Put my trust in God. Ask Him to intervene every day and direct my path in the best possible direction to get my situation in a better place. I've been running around, as the expression says, like a chicken with my head cut off. I start one project, only to be pulled away by one of my kids needing something from me. When I do have a little bit of time, it's usually spent doing loads of laundry, picking up the house...the everyday things that I like to have done. I always tell myself...."I'll work on my business when my husband gets home." That never seems to happen. He doesn't get home most days until 6:00. Then it's dinner time, bath time, wind the kids down time and get them off to bed. After that, I like to have a little time to unwind myself and working at 8 or 9 at night is not what I have the desire to do. Sound familiar???? I know so many people struggle with this same setting, but I want to find a simple way out of it.

In a prayer years ago, I felt I was given the message of "simplicity." I know simplicity is the key in life. In this situation, my simple way out will be to ask God each day to direct my steps and to help me find the time to take the steps I need to. Instead of putting the pressure on myself to know what to do first during the 30 minutes that I may find during the day, I will trust that He will move it in me to feel what is most important.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 says trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." So that's what I'm going to do.

When I ask myself what it is I truly want....ironically, it's not "money" that I feel is the answer. Although, logically that's what would seem should be the answer since our financial situation is what gets me down most. The answer for me is "peace." Peace and organization. When I think about my life right now, I feel a bit scattered, chaotic, unorganized, just not "me."

I am not a religious person. I don't care for the word "religion" because it makes me feel kind of trapped. In the past, I've substituted religious for saying I'm a spiritual person. Although that is true, I don't really care for that term either. What I do like is that I'm a person who lives by faith. I'm a person who really does believe in God and believes He is good. I'm a person who really wants Him to be at the center of my life and my family's life because I believe He will guide us in the most perfect way for us. This I love. I take extreme comfort in knowing and feeling this way.

I write this blog knowing that it may be read by some people who don't believe the same way I do. Please know that this is what works for me and that I appreciate other people know their truths to be different. I also write this blog feeling a little vulnerable and open that I am putting myself out here...but I also know that my purpose is to help other people become more faithful and hopeful. I don't know how I can be that kind of person without sharing my own experiences.

I attribute much of my belief and inner knowing of what God is to the teachings of my mother. She has a special gift to translate religious teachings to every day lingo. She has a gift to teach about God's goodness. She has always told me that when she was pregnant with me, she was touched by some dreams that she felt were from God. She told me that she believes I felt those dreams too and that her and I share a connection. I love that. I love that connected feeling. I love feeling like I've been touched in some way.

Years ago, I was flipping through the channels and was drawn into watching Joel Osteen. I was watching him long before his name became as popular as it is today. He does what my mom does. He puts God's message in every day terms and situations and motivates you from a heartfelt standpoint. Between my mother and Joel, that is who I have learned from spiritually.

I listened to one of Joel's messages today and what I took from it was to "see myself how God sees me." That is what I want to do. I asked myself...."how does God see me." What came to my mind was "as his child." I thought about this. I'm a parent and I love and adore my children. I love it when they are happy and appreciative. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do to make their quality of life anything than the best I could make it. If my children were struggling in some way and I could help and lead them in the best direction...I would. So I will try to think of myself in God's eyes the same way I see my children.

So I am going to end this blog today with the commitment to start my day off each morning asking God to be in control of my day. I've voiced my concerns to Him regarding our finances and how I am feeling trapped with the way things are and not enjoying this feeling. I am committing that each time I start to stress over that situation, I will remind myself that I have asked God to intervene and He will lead me in the right direction to make things better quickly. I will do my best to update this blog with my progress.

August 30, 2009

Blog 7

So the other night I was on my blog and saw a link that said "share on facebook." I wasn't quite sure what it would do when I clicked on it. I sort of thought it would post my blog's link on my facebook page, so I clicked on it to see what would happen. As soon as I saw it posted the link on everyone's wall, I wanted to take it back immediately. What did I just do? I really put myself out there. I've exposed parts of myself that feel a little uncomfortable to share with everyone.

As much as I wanted to take it back, part of me wanted to run with it too. My hope in doing this is twofold. One is that by putting myself "out there," it will help keep me on track with being faithful and trusting. The other hope is that it inspires others to do this too with the circumstances they are faced with.

The next morning, I received so many e-mails of support. Many of them came from people who I would not have expected to hear anything from. Some people wanted to let me know that they were going through the same things and some wanted to share their words of encouragement. Needless to say, I felt inspried.

I want it to be known that there are many wonderful things in my life. I am not worried nor fearful. I am just

tired. I am tired of the rat race and tired of struggles, and I really don't believe we are meant to live that way. That is not life. That is not how I envision my life. I know that faith is the key. If you think about it, it is far easier to have faith than it is to worry or suffer. I've always been a faithful person. I've always believed in God's goodness. This doesn't mean that I am without challenges and that overcoming them is always easy for me. I do believe in prayer though, and when I really feel myself release my concerns, I know that I will be taken care of. I take extreme comfort in this. This is how I get through challenges. This is how I "root" and "ground" myself. The great thing about doing this, for me, is when the prayers do get answered, it feels that much better. Don't get me wrong, I spend a lot of time exhausting myself trying to figure things out on my own. Eventually that exhaustion finally gets me to a place of letting it go and of rest. To me that's when the true faith begins for us. That's when we get to recreate and reacquaint ourselves.

Faith to me isn't a religious term. It's about being hopeful. It's about not looking at things the way they are, but at the way you want them to be. This is where I think many of us get lost. When I am coaching clients, I find that so many people aren't clear on what they really desire. They are just going through life. The busyness of everything gets in the way. They don't take time for themselves. They have lost that spark that gets them excited and hopeful for something. If you think about it, that is what faith is. It's exciting. It's fun. It's about writing the next chapter of your story. If we can get a clear picture of what we really desire, I believe it will happen if we stay with it.

No longer am I working in the corporate world, and I am happy for that. It wasn't me. However, that change has brought about new challenges. But I am excited for where I am today. It's not fun right now - but I am very hopeful of new things, new opportunities. New doors will open for me and they will be in alignment with who I am and my purpose, much moreso than had I stayed in an environment that didn't fit me. I can see this. If you read my earlier blog about Deal or No Deal, I can see my future just like I saw myself on that show. When I would let my thoughts get in the way and tell me "do you know how many people try out for that show - what are my odds," it was discouraging. But something inside me still knew. Something inside of me still hoped. My mom always told me that you can't have a testimony without the test. This is my test right now. As much as it isn't a "peaceful" place for me to be today, I am a bit excited for my tomorrow. I do know I will come out of it and I believe that I will come out of it stronger and in a better position than I was before.

After I shared the blog, I immediately called my mom and told her what happened. As I mentioned before, I wanted to take it back right away. I started thinking, "who is going to read this"? - "who are all my friends on facebook again that will see this"? My mom responded with "God causes all things to work together for the good." I've heard that before. It did nothing for me. But then she told me there is a pause between the words "things" and "to." I liked that. What I liked about it was....."God causes all things." So with that, I let it go and let it be.