May 15, 2009

I made a decision today to live my life by faith. I also decided to write about my experiences openly in the blogging world. I haven't told anyone that I am doing this, but I really feel that this "journaling" will be a great way for me to keep on track as well as be a testimony one day for others.

There is a knowing inside of me that everything will always work out the way it's supposed to. The truth is, right now, times are a bit tough. I don't like to think much about it because I choose not to put my energy in that direction, and once again, I also know deep down, everything will work out just fine. Of course, I have those moments where I get into my head and think of all the things that are getting me down. Those thoughts usually take me down the same road where I end up feeling a bit sick to my stomach, frustrated and sad at the same time. I left my job after our second child was born, which was a decision I felt was right, but it's left us in a bit of a financial mess. Before I formally left my job, I wrote down on a sheet of paper a list of other ways I could earn money and be home with my children. I felt confident that those other ways would provide income and all would be good. The reality is that it has been taking longer than I anticipated. I get frustrated with myself because I can't seem to find the time to get organized on my new ventures. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my kids. I love taking them places and playing with them and being there for them throughout the day and getting to experience them, but it sure etches away at the quiet time I used to have to think, to organize things, to play around with my new ideas.

So that's why I am here. I said a prayer the other morning and the answer dawned on me....Put my trust in God. Ask Him to intervene every day and direct my path in the best possible direction to get my situation in a better place. I've been running around, as the expression says, like a chicken with my head cut off. I start one project, only to be pulled away by one of my kids needing something from me. When I do have a little bit of time, it's usually spent doing loads of laundry, picking up the house...the everyday things that I like to have done. I always tell myself...."I'll work on my business when my husband gets home." That never seems to happen. He doesn't get home most days until 6:00. Then it's dinner time, bath time, wind the kids down time and get them off to bed. After that, I like to have a little time to unwind myself and working at 8 or 9 at night is not what I have the desire to do. Sound familiar???? I know so many people struggle with this same setting, but I want to find a simple way out of it.

In a prayer years ago, I felt I was given the message of "simplicity." I know simplicity is the key in life. In this situation, my simple way out will be to ask God each day to direct my steps and to help me find the time to take the steps I need to. Instead of putting the pressure on myself to know what to do first during the 30 minutes that I may find during the day, I will trust that He will move it in me to feel what is most important.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 says trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." So that's what I'm going to do.

When I ask myself what it is I truly want....ironically, it's not "money" that I feel is the answer. Although, logically that's what would seem should be the answer since our financial situation is what gets me down most. The answer for me is "peace." Peace and organization. When I think about my life right now, I feel a bit scattered, chaotic, unorganized, just not "me."

I am not a religious person. I don't care for the word "religion" because it makes me feel kind of trapped. In the past, I've substituted religious for saying I'm a spiritual person. Although that is true, I don't really care for that term either. What I do like is that I'm a person who lives by faith. I'm a person who really does believe in God and believes He is good. I'm a person who really wants Him to be at the center of my life and my family's life because I believe He will guide us in the most perfect way for us. This I love. I take extreme comfort in knowing and feeling this way.

I write this blog knowing that it may be read by some people who don't believe the same way I do. Please know that this is what works for me and that I appreciate other people know their truths to be different. I also write this blog feeling a little vulnerable and open that I am putting myself out here...but I also know that my purpose is to help other people become more faithful and hopeful. I don't know how I can be that kind of person without sharing my own experiences.

I attribute much of my belief and inner knowing of what God is to the teachings of my mother. She has a special gift to translate religious teachings to every day lingo. She has a gift to teach about God's goodness. She has always told me that when she was pregnant with me, she was touched by some dreams that she felt were from God. She told me that she believes I felt those dreams too and that her and I share a connection. I love that. I love that connected feeling. I love feeling like I've been touched in some way.

Years ago, I was flipping through the channels and was drawn into watching Joel Osteen. I was watching him long before his name became as popular as it is today. He does what my mom does. He puts God's message in every day terms and situations and motivates you from a heartfelt standpoint. Between my mother and Joel, that is who I have learned from spiritually.

I listened to one of Joel's messages today and what I took from it was to "see myself how God sees me." That is what I want to do. I asked myself...."how does God see me." What came to my mind was "as his child." I thought about this. I'm a parent and I love and adore my children. I love it when they are happy and appreciative. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do to make their quality of life anything than the best I could make it. If my children were struggling in some way and I could help and lead them in the best direction...I would. So I will try to think of myself in God's eyes the same way I see my children.

So I am going to end this blog today with the commitment to start my day off each morning asking God to be in control of my day. I've voiced my concerns to Him regarding our finances and how I am feeling trapped with the way things are and not enjoying this feeling. I am committing that each time I start to stress over that situation, I will remind myself that I have asked God to intervene and He will lead me in the right direction to make things better quickly. I will do my best to update this blog with my progress.

Blog Archive

May 19, 2009

Blog 2

The first day that I started this blog, I felt great. I felt that I was on to something. I had that feeling of being inspired, connected, excited and hopeful. In fact, I felt so good, that I even had a little hunch to think maybe I will be lucky to check the mailbox and find a surprise check in the mail. This would surely be a little sign to me that I was on track. So...although I had that feeling, I just as quickly dismissed it thinking that was a silly thought, and I don't know of anyone who would send us a check for anything.

When I went to check the mailbox, I had rationalized it enough why I wouldn't find a check so that if I didn't, I wouldn't be let down or discouraged. But between you and me....I still had that little piece of silent hope inside of me. So when I opened the mailbox.....

that wonderful feeling returned. Once again, I felt on top of the world. I was connected, excited and hopeful. To my amazement, I had received 3 checks. I couldn't believe it. I didn't know of any way that we would get 1 check, let alone 3. My hunch was true. I was very grateful for the money, but even more grateful that I got that confirmation that I was on track and I heard that little voice inside of me.

For those of you reading - whoever you are.....I wish I could have that hunch for checks to arrive every day, but I don't. On that day, I felt it, and that is what faith is about. It's about having a knowing inside of yourself that something can happen and tapping into that belief, even if it is for only a moment.

And a moment it was. I had been feeling so good for a few days, but the next morning, I woke up and didn't feel any of the same excitement about things as I did before. I have held true to starting my morning off with my prayer for God to intervene. I do believe He will do this. I trust He hears me and is going to answer my prayers to show me and others that He listens and is faithful too. But today was a day to put my coaching skills to the test because I needed a pick me up.

I've heard many times that thoughts become beliefs and our beliefs are what come true. I know this...but I want to help myself and others find an easier way to change our thoughts and start having hope in greater things. Because as much as I know this "connection," I don't always find it easy to change what I am thinking.

So here it goes.....
First, I want to be clear on what it is that I want to be different. In my world, it's finances. When I think about this, I really do believe I will always be o.k. and that I will always get by. And guess what....this just always seems to happen. I do always make it. I do always get by. I work hard, make ends meet and then it's off to the next month to wait for it again. This way of living is not fun. I want to change this. I really don't want to live just to get by. This is not peace. And as I said in my first blog, I know what I'm yearning for most is that feeling of peace and it's demonstrating itself through finances right now.

So in my present situation, it's time for me to find a new thought. A new thought that I believe just as much or more than I believe "I will always be o.k." Once I figure out this new thought, I will share it with you. I will then make it a practice that when my old thought pops into my mind, I will replace it with the new one. This new way of thinking will be a faith-based thought. It will be one that brings me hope for something better that is yet to be seen. Then, as I write and continue this blog, you can watch and see if my faith brings about different circumstances.

I invite anyone reading this to join with me. If it's not finances, but a different area in your life that you want to work on, perhaps reading this will motivate you to test your faith and hope for different results in your life. I'd love to encourage others to embark on living by faith with me. I know we won't feel like it all of the time. One day, I feel on fire to do this and the next, it's the complete opposite. But...as my mom has taught me, faith is like a muscle and you have to exercise it in order for it to grow. So, my hope is that anyone reading this can also exercise their faith too with me. Please send in your comments and testimonies of what is working for you and perhaps we can all motivate and encourage each other.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit fearful about putting this out on the web. If I fail or it doesn't work, everyone might know. I might look like an idiot or I might discourage people. However, another thing I have learned from mom is that fear is the opposite of faith....it's the other side of the coin. So if I am working on living my life by faith, then this is what I need to do.

Just like the little piece of hope that was in me when I was checking my mailbox for checks, that hope is inside me that this will work and that simply having faith is the key in life.
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