May 15, 2009

I made a decision today to live my life by faith. I also decided to write about my experiences openly in the blogging world. I haven't told anyone that I am doing this, but I really feel that this "journaling" will be a great way for me to keep on track as well as be a testimony one day for others.

There is a knowing inside of me that everything will always work out the way it's supposed to. The truth is, right now, times are a bit tough. I don't like to think much about it because I choose not to put my energy in that direction, and once again, I also know deep down, everything will work out just fine. Of course, I have those moments where I get into my head and think of all the things that are getting me down. Those thoughts usually take me down the same road where I end up feeling a bit sick to my stomach, frustrated and sad at the same time. I left my job after our second child was born, which was a decision I felt was right, but it's left us in a bit of a financial mess. Before I formally left my job, I wrote down on a sheet of paper a list of other ways I could earn money and be home with my children. I felt confident that those other ways would provide income and all would be good. The reality is that it has been taking longer than I anticipated. I get frustrated with myself because I can't seem to find the time to get organized on my new ventures. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my kids. I love taking them places and playing with them and being there for them throughout the day and getting to experience them, but it sure etches away at the quiet time I used to have to think, to organize things, to play around with my new ideas.

So that's why I am here. I said a prayer the other morning and the answer dawned on me....Put my trust in God. Ask Him to intervene every day and direct my path in the best possible direction to get my situation in a better place. I've been running around, as the expression says, like a chicken with my head cut off. I start one project, only to be pulled away by one of my kids needing something from me. When I do have a little bit of time, it's usually spent doing loads of laundry, picking up the house...the everyday things that I like to have done. I always tell myself...."I'll work on my business when my husband gets home." That never seems to happen. He doesn't get home most days until 6:00. Then it's dinner time, bath time, wind the kids down time and get them off to bed. After that, I like to have a little time to unwind myself and working at 8 or 9 at night is not what I have the desire to do. Sound familiar???? I know so many people struggle with this same setting, but I want to find a simple way out of it.

In a prayer years ago, I felt I was given the message of "simplicity." I know simplicity is the key in life. In this situation, my simple way out will be to ask God each day to direct my steps and to help me find the time to take the steps I need to. Instead of putting the pressure on myself to know what to do first during the 30 minutes that I may find during the day, I will trust that He will move it in me to feel what is most important.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 says trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." So that's what I'm going to do.

When I ask myself what it is I truly want....ironically, it's not "money" that I feel is the answer. Although, logically that's what would seem should be the answer since our financial situation is what gets me down most. The answer for me is "peace." Peace and organization. When I think about my life right now, I feel a bit scattered, chaotic, unorganized, just not "me."

I am not a religious person. I don't care for the word "religion" because it makes me feel kind of trapped. In the past, I've substituted religious for saying I'm a spiritual person. Although that is true, I don't really care for that term either. What I do like is that I'm a person who lives by faith. I'm a person who really does believe in God and believes He is good. I'm a person who really wants Him to be at the center of my life and my family's life because I believe He will guide us in the most perfect way for us. This I love. I take extreme comfort in knowing and feeling this way.

I write this blog knowing that it may be read by some people who don't believe the same way I do. Please know that this is what works for me and that I appreciate other people know their truths to be different. I also write this blog feeling a little vulnerable and open that I am putting myself out here...but I also know that my purpose is to help other people become more faithful and hopeful. I don't know how I can be that kind of person without sharing my own experiences.

I attribute much of my belief and inner knowing of what God is to the teachings of my mother. She has a special gift to translate religious teachings to every day lingo. She has a gift to teach about God's goodness. She has always told me that when she was pregnant with me, she was touched by some dreams that she felt were from God. She told me that she believes I felt those dreams too and that her and I share a connection. I love that. I love that connected feeling. I love feeling like I've been touched in some way.

Years ago, I was flipping through the channels and was drawn into watching Joel Osteen. I was watching him long before his name became as popular as it is today. He does what my mom does. He puts God's message in every day terms and situations and motivates you from a heartfelt standpoint. Between my mother and Joel, that is who I have learned from spiritually.

I listened to one of Joel's messages today and what I took from it was to "see myself how God sees me." That is what I want to do. I asked myself...."how does God see me." What came to my mind was "as his child." I thought about this. I'm a parent and I love and adore my children. I love it when they are happy and appreciative. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do to make their quality of life anything than the best I could make it. If my children were struggling in some way and I could help and lead them in the best direction...I would. So I will try to think of myself in God's eyes the same way I see my children.

So I am going to end this blog today with the commitment to start my day off each morning asking God to be in control of my day. I've voiced my concerns to Him regarding our finances and how I am feeling trapped with the way things are and not enjoying this feeling. I am committing that each time I start to stress over that situation, I will remind myself that I have asked God to intervene and He will lead me in the right direction to make things better quickly. I will do my best to update this blog with my progress.

Blog Archive

May 20, 2009

Blog 3

Today, I started with my prayer. I also came across a scripture that jumped out at me. In Proverbs 16:3 it says "Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." There it is my new truth. I am committing my new job to God and asking for His guidance each day and I will succeed. I am going to set my mind to this promise and every time I think differently, I will make a conscious effort to think to this new thought. I like scriptures because they are promises I believe in and it takes the pressure off of me to get something done.

As you know, I am a life coach, and although I use it as a profession, coaching and inspiring others is also the very nature of me. In addition to coaching, I work as a loan officer for a mortgage broker. I am trusting that God will direct the right clients and opportunities my way and that I will succeed in this area.

A little history about me...

I spent 13 years in the financial industry and lending was the area of finances that I enjoyed most. Before I made the decision to leave, I wrote down on a piece of paper all of the different ways I could make money while being able to spend more time at home with my kids. One of the items I wrote down was to work as a loan officer. At a time when everyone was afraid of losing their jobs, I made the decision to leave mine. I was glad for the timing of this. In my heart, I was happy I made this decision when I did. I would have rather left when times looked bad because in my heart it will one day be a testimony to others that I did this when the world would say I wasn't supposed to....times were too uncertain. But I knew it was time. I was stuck in the rat race. I was attached to my blackberry. I wasn't home even when I was at home. Other things happened along the way that made me feel it was time. Our second son was not planned, but the fact that I got pregnant with him brought many additional blessings to my life.

#1 - Deal or No Deal - When this show first came on, I, like so many others, wanted to go on the show. The difference was....I could really picture myself on it. This is an example of seeing with my eyes of faith. So....what did I do? I filled out their loooonnnnggg application and spent two weekends putting together a 5 minute demo tape to send in. I never heard back. I even went and made postage stamps with my picture on it and sent them a postcard a day asking if they had seen my tape yet. That didn't work. Then, the show was having an open casting call for contestants in my city. I went and stood in line with THOUSANDS of wishful people. Guess what???? Nothing happened and I was passed by. Then..... a while later, I heard they were coming back to San Diego, but this time looking for models to open the cases on their show. I thought, "well if I can't be a contestant, maybe I can be a model." So I dressed up and went down for the audition. I thought I did great. But guess what again....no call back.

I later made a vision board and I cut out one of the models pictures on line and put a picture of my face on the model. In the background of the picture was the "Deal or No Deal." I wrote next to that picture "Olivia Figuered....Model or Contestant." At this point I didn't care which one it was, I just wanted to go on the show.

Time passed. I kind of lost the feeling and enthusiasm for trying. It didn't feel like the right time. After I got pregnant, the feeling began to stir within me again. My husband and I were on a plane ride. I had originally decided I didn't want to find out the gender of the baby. He asked me "Are you sure you don't want to find out if it's a boy or a girl," and I replied "If you get me on Deal or No Deal....we can find out." We had announced the gender of our first son in a very unique way to our friends and family. So...I started thinking. What if Howie Mandel announced to me on the show the sex of the baby? My husband liked this idea and thought I should make a new demo tape and send it in again. That sounded o.k., but the whole idea of filling out the application and spending a whole weekend making a tape, didn't sound great. I got home and told my mom the idea and she said she had just been thinking of me trying to get on the show too. Within two days, I got an email from my aunt that she saw a posting that Deal or No Deal was looking for PREGNANT women. When I saw this, I got chills. I knew it was my time. I felt it! I think my eyes even welled up a little. And to make it better....all they wanted was a picture and a brief summary of myself....so it saved me from making a tape all over again. I sent it in and was called back and asked to audition right away.

I was soooo excited. However, when I went up there, I found out it was for their new syndication show that would be on 5 days a week. It wouldn't be their prime time show and the prize was less money. All of that was o.k. The part that disappointed me was that they were going to choose 22 pregnant women to be "models" for the show on their edition of Baby on Board week. These 22 women would all hold cases with numbers assigned to them. At the beginning of each show (Monday - Friday), a ball would be dropped onto a roulette wheel and if the ball landed on the number of the case you were holding, you would get to come down and be the contestant for the show that day. So...I had 5 days of being chosen to be the 1 in 22 lucky contestant. Although it would have been great to be on the show, I really, really wanted to be a contestant and have Howie Mandel announce on air the sex of our newest baby and now there was no guarantee this could happen.

So I just decided to roll with it. I pictured myself being called up. I felt it and got excited about it. And then, I'd have moments where I doubted it would happen. I got the call and was chosen to be a model and potential contestant. I was assigned case #5. I liked #5 when I was assigned this, although my number was ALWAYS going to be 11 if I got called.

When I FIRST started trying to get on Deal or No Deal, I was pregnant with my first son. Every time I looked at the clock, it would be 11:11. I kept thinking to myself, either I'm going to go on Deal or No Deal and my case will be 11 or my son is going to be born at 11:11. The number just kept coming to me.

So...on Tuesday's show....the ball landed on the #5. I was the model behind that case. I couldn't believe it. It was really happening! Everything fell into place! Oh was I excited. I had always said if I went on that show, I would love to win $100,000. On the prime time show, people get offered that a lot and turn it down....but I would stop. I would take $100k. Now this show, the offers aren't as high. Howie Mandel asked me if I wanted to stay with case #5 or choose a different case. Of course, I choose my #11. He asked me what I wanted to win and I said "I'd love to win $100,000." Howie also got to open the note from my doctor and announce to me and everyone watching we were having a baby boy. My dream, my vision my inner knowing was all happening.

The game was exciting. I went all the way to the very end and was left with 2 cases. #5 and #11. In one case was $100,000 and in the other was $400. I couldn't risk my final offer to be left with $400, so I wound up taking the final deal. I felt case #5 had been good to me. When Howie opened my case #11 to see what I would have won had I gone on...it was my $100,000.
Looking back, I found it funny to also remember that my first son was born at 5:11.  I also found it amazing that I put on my vision board, "model or contestant" and I got to be both.  I love those little connections.  None of this would have happened had I not been pregnant.

#2 - The financial world had been turned upside down. Many of my co-workers got laid off or were moved to different territories. Clients weren't happy and had I gone back, work would have not been the same as it once was. My coworkers who were still there said everything was so stressful and stress was something I want to stay away from.

In any case, I was introduced to a mortgage broker by a former loan officer who had helped me out before. The interview and process was effortless. It just fell into place. When things work together so easily, I just feel that it's meant to be.

Since I started the business, it hasn't been as easy as I thought it would. But....I still have the knowing in me that this path paved its way for me and now my new thought is "I will commit and I will succeed."
I did this today and had a great day. I got so much accomplished in a few hours time and I feel like I'm on track.
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